Nat girsberger

Digital Collage

I feel myself inside of my face, or behind it —which one of them is more precise, not quite sure.

I feel my forehead heavy, as if there‘s a boulder perpendicular to my right eyebrow —appeared quietly, a headache.

I feel my jaw and the lines of teeth, like two stumped blades of knives hitting each other periodically, clenching.

I feel my shoulders like kneed that has dried with open cracks, which seeping hot water runs through — consistently.

I feel my heart again, like moist paper, with painful cuts, appearing small but with heavy impact, every one of them furthering the spacial existence in its new consistency.

Digital collage, 2019

Digital Collage, 2019

Digital Collage, 2019

Sometimes it feels like my psyche is speaking or acting directly and all the kingdoms my ego’s built just go falling and crumbling underneath what’s been determined all along. Anyone else?

Digital Collage, 2020

We are all (hopefully) staying inward right now. Yet we resist really going inward, right?

No, I don’t think this is the time to learn a new language, a novel program, or binge watch that recently released show. I think we have the rare, painful but necessary opportunity to really choose to go inside.

Clearly, something’s not working on the planet, in our home. There is an imbalance that we were unable or unwilling to correct, so nature had to interfere. I wish it didn’t come to this, but here we are. Our outer world is forcing us to stay in.

Can we, instead of running away from this by drawing ourselves outward (new skills, screens, etc.), not allow ourselves to feel? What’s inside?

It may not look very pleasant. That’s ok. What does this sensation have to teach us and how can we, as a consciousness, grow from it? When we stretch, it may be uncomfortable at times. But we stretch so that we gain flexibility.

I’m aching to take time to really listen. And if we have anything right now, it is time, which is actually a rare gift.

I want to surrender to the tides of life, even to the ones that make it hard to breathe. Because it has become increasingly clear that it is actually hard right now. So we need to find new ways to expand our chests, to find our breath again. And we can only encounter that, by going inside.

Digital Collage, 2019